So I had a good cry tonight.
A good get it all out cry.
I hadn't had one of those in a long time.
I was curled up in my bed, on top of my covers, and when my boyfriend heard me he jumped in behind me and held me the whole time.
I do feel better, better than I have in a while. I still feel like I'm drowning.. or like I'm in a dark tunnel, and I'm still afraid of what's going to be at the end, but at least I feel a bit less burdened... like I got a gulp of air.
Hopefully I'll be back and that will sustain me for a while, but I'm not sure. I just know I won't hold in so hard my next big cry.